The following was written several years ago, to Alice. I had just gotten out of my church work, as a pastor. I was living on little money, given a room in a half-way house at cheap rent, while I served as a part-time Chaplain in a local jail. Alice, a lovely, tenderhearted, spiritually-hearted woman, and I shared letters and poems. This is one of the poems I wrote to her-she inspired it. In this poem, like most of mine, is integrated images of human passion, and while sometimes, as in this one, pointing to such, reaches beyond to an intimation of Union with Sacredness, with Love Herself. The prose epilogue was written as a reflection on the connection between the poem and what I felt was occurring - a non-religious conversion -, in transition to a new beginning within and without. Indeed, in a way many persons would not understand, being a professional in religious ministry had hindered me from discovering my true "name" and being my genuine "self," as I had longed to know and be, unashamedly and joyfully. Likewise, this "church" identity had hindered my being free to give myself fully, spirit and body, to a woman. I am still beginning again, I am still learning my true name. I am thankful for continuing to discover the mystery of who I am in I Am, with you. Finally, two matters of import. First, here I use the word "God" more freely than I do now. Second, I signed this under another name, but now use my pen name. The name change is itself a sign of a new beginning, a coming to "see" my name, a name no one gave me, could give me, or can take from me.
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ALICE ~ FOR YOU
Moses looked within the Fiery bush and heard the Voice of God.
Not in sky did he hear, or on celestial ladder did he climb, to prostrate at the calling of his name.
I, too, have a name no other can claim, a name no other can reply with “Yes” to.
In God, I have a name, no other can speak, hidden where I came from before here.
I listen, today, in the common world of men and women, like you and me. I see bushes burning with Fire, everywhere.
I place my face near the pulsating pores of of earth and sky to welcome this warm, passionate breathing of the Breath of God.
In the wedding of heaven and earth, I have discovered how the veil of flesh opens to heavenly Grace.
Once, I disdained the flesh, to seek the Spirit; no more, for the Temple is the way to Love.
In your voice and eyes, I sense contemplative realms beyond sense and time – I hear my name.
You are the whirlpool I am drawn into; surrendered, initiating ever-more deeply into feelings I have never known.
I see a new Life, I hear my name, once more, springing from this daring consent to our Union.
Heart prostrate with you, we bow before God; this Fire melding us into one, our names being called, shining clearly within our one Embrace.
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I am discovering I must allow thought to exceed outside the boundaries of my mind, the little world of limited possibilities shaped by influences from many others afraid to dare to enter inward continents unexplored, unoffered to them. I am finding, now at aged 49, this inner impulse to go where I have not gone. This may not be to a new geography outside myself, but it will be one inside myself, possibly inside and outside – one I have intuited since childhood, and in the Voice I heard at aged 9. I have, indeed, been haunted by that Voice, loving at times, blissful at times, painful often. At aged 9, I said, “Yes,” with and against my will. And, with “Yes,” It has carried me, where I did not plan to be. Now, my Friend, my God, dare I say “Yes” again? If I do not say “Yes,” I shall leave unexplored what I have suffered much for, written about, preached about, and sought at depths I have never known. I may miss what I sought in each lovely face and beautiful body I have made love to. If I do not dare, possibly, I need to cease all writing about it, and be only silent – silent to it, like most. But, if I say “Yes,” and really mean it, I have made a radical choice for self-hood, not so much new, but an extension of the “Yes” given 40 years ago. I am being reborn, both as the boy I was, and the man I am becoming. I am learning to Love, I am inviting into my being what my poems have whispered to others. I am surrendering to the Passion of my Heart, something no one ever said I could do. Now, where shall this lead? I know not. I only know this Surrender that I must make, that has chosen me to make. I only, presently, know This. But, more, I know I am in Love. Love unlike any experience has prepared me for, or all experience has prepared me for. With that, I rejoice and hope. May I be led, may I follow. May I know more fully my name.
*Arem Nahariim-Samadhi, Jan 25,2010.
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*Lotus of the Heart is a Work of Arem Nahariim-Samadhi ~ a Hospice Chaplain, interspiritual author, writer, poet, and bicyclist. He is someone in love with Life and inviting others to that same ecstasy of Love ~ and, by the way, herein is nothing he claims as his own.
